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When I was 13 years old, I desired something more challenging than casual swimming, so I joined the high school development team for the Badger Swim Club.
On the first day, all the team members dived into the water as soon as the coach gave the order. I was the only one who jumped in. After a few laps, I was far behind all the others. Although I was trying to catch up, I was out of breath. To make things worse, the coach was constantly correcting my technique.
From my stroke to my flip turn to my dive, nothing I did seemed right to him. The entire first week, College application essays with essayedge was stuck with the coach to work on my diving. He kept repeating that I should dive with my head instead of my whole body.
I wanted to become as good a swimmer as my teammates. So I continued to practice. Many times I felt as though I had pushed myself to my limit and could not continue. After just a couple of months, I swam as well as the other team members.
When facing a challenge, it is easy to quit. But in order to achieve something, persistence and commitment are essential. By being consistent in my efforts, I know success will be likely. Since this is my senior year, I have a heavy workload consisting of taking classes, leading clubs, working, and volunteering.
When I feel overwhelmed, I remember my struggles in the swimming pool. As I was deciding which subject to approach, my phone rang.
My boss asked me to update some information immediately for a conference coming up in the following week. I believe it is important to be responsible as an employee, so I decided to postpone my homework for a bit and finish updating the website. One hour later, I had reviewed all of the chapters of chemistry for the exam and taken a practice quiz.
Because I was too sleepy to study, I went to bed. However, I cannot stand the thought of a bad grade, so I set my alarm clock to 5: Weaknesses, setbacks and failures are a part of life.
However, due to my experience swimming, I now know how to overcome these imperfections, not be dictated by them. Critique Dear Valued Customer, You have done a great job answering each part of this question in a balanced way.
I like that you broadened the swimming subject to include how you responded to the demands of balancing work and school and extracurricular activities. I would suggest adding maybe one more sentence to your concluding paragraph about how you would respond in the future. The others I have corrected directly on your essay.
Each sentence should use the same verb tense.
This was a similar problem you had in the previous essays and should be something that you are aware of in all of your writing.
I find it to be very effective to read each sentence out loud — it will be obvious that you are missing a word. Now I will discuss larger changes and additions you can make to improve your essay.
In Paragraph 3, can you talk about how you felt when your coach was helping correct your diving? Did you feel frustrated? Helping the reader understand your emotional response will enable him or her to connect with you on a more personal level.
Paragraph 4 would be improved by details about what the practice included. Try to give your reader a visual for what you were doing. How many times per week did you practice? Was each practice a mix of drills, distance, and strength training?
Was it your persistence in practice? Perhaps an admissions officer will know, but when in doubt it is better not to use abbreviations that may not be understood.
I would include a brief description of what kind of a job you have in Paragraph 5.A busy shopping mall essays good essay for college application essays aveco robert arthur author biography essay agricultural pollution essay in english. Research paper on random number generate berojgari ki samasya essays.
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